i did not spend the last year trying to recover just to jump back into the same war that bled me dry. i did not gravel through the trenches of toxic burdens to dig deeper into my own coffin. the truths are revealed at such an overwhelming pace and holy shit am i tired. i’m tired of going to bed angry only to wake up livid. i’m tired of harboring so much negativity that it consumes me. i have fought so hard and surrendered so much of myself so when i left, i found the happy me. i knelt and picked up the broken pieces, waking up a year later only to end up with the same mess.
don’t treat me like i’m always second, the “just in case”, the substitution; do you realize how degrading that feels? could you fathom even the most simple concept of respect? i know too much to look at you with blind eyes or listen with absent ears. you came, you conquered, and you left when you were done because i was only the temporary replacement—the false warmth in the void of emptiness. it was all i was, i didn’t need anyone else to tell me that.
i admit, i am also to blame. i apologize for my naivety, for hoping that you wouldn’t hurt me again. i apologize for giving into my past feelings and for not opening my eyes sooner. i apologize not to you, because even to this day, i was honest. let me be, you owe me this much. and as for me, i can only do the same.
