eunoia.

I think I still have that capacity in me – to love even when it seems it’s impossible – in spite of my having experienced a lot of disappointments and hurt this year, I still am the little girl who believes in fairy dusts and rainbows. How could I not be? If it’s possible for one person to hurt another, then, there’s always the equal possibility that he can be healed by another. That’s just how life is. And I’m sticking by it.

melted..

Just today, he sent me a message.

Melted. He sees through me.Through the pretentious smile that he knows too well. Through the seeming calmness I share with other people. Through the prepared script I give when people ask me how well I’m doing.

He sees me. Then he saves me. The best he could. The best he know he could. Even if I’m in denial of a rescue.

He scares me sometimes. Because I know I could not return how he feels towards me. Til this day, he makes me feel like he’ll always be there.  Always seem to be a feeble concept. Yet he has been in spite of a hopeless perseverance to make me be his. If only it was easy. If only we could choose to who to love.

He said: “I can’t promise to fix all your problems, but I promise you won’t have to face them alone.” Even if these were mere words sent, they are reassuring. And this is simply making me melt.

next!

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could. ”

~ Louise Erdrich

Sachi | Dan Millman

Soon after her brother was born, little Sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. But she showed no signs of jealousy. She treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it.

Elated, she went into the baby’s room and shut the door, but it opened a crack-enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little Sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, “Baby, tell me what God feels like. I’m starting to forget.”

- from “Chicken Soup for the Soul“

faith

I used to believe in love as this ultimate, saving thing, as something as strong as religion. But what happens when one loses faith?

One begins to realize that it is not love but rather one person. It may not be who you expect or even who you want it to be but they’ll save you. If but only from yourself, they’ll save you.

Risk is just part of relationships. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t.

— Lock and Key

faith and heartbreak

Hearts don’t really break
nobody gets to break it. No one can. Because hearts, after the wildest storms, survive and will always stay intact.
when you feel pain in the region of your heart that’s breaking, something else does:
faith
… and then you stop believing…

it’s a choice we make

It’s hard to accept, but you can’t change the past. You can’t go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life would be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that’s a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days – but as long as you let the past go, you’ll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.

Just to hold you, I ache for it, just to out my lips to the valley of your neck and slide down your body. I don’t like being apart from you, not hearing your voice, not having you close.

He’s the type of guy that could look you in your eyes when you’re knee deep in tissues and your face looks like its been badly beaten, and with all honesty tell you that you’re nothing less than beautiful.

flashback

I know you may not be my soul mate, or you may not be “the one,”  and I will probably hate your guts 20 years down the line, but I am not asking for forever …

…all I want is to be with you right now because I know that is what will make me happy…

I refused to let him have you. I tried everything in my power to get you back in my arms. But it just wasn’t enough to pull you away from him…

This was a message I got from ages ago.

Sweet. If I have chosen to be careless, I may be with him now..

But I didn’t.

I chose to be where I wanted to be and work through the relationship. I have too much faith to let it go to waste.

Because he mattered enough to make me keep that faith.

I just wished someone knew what I gave up for them…

expat

I really think there’s a reason that I love him so much. Like something is telling me not to let him go. Everytime I follow my heart… it leads me to him. I mean… what other explaination is there. Why is it that he is all I can think about? Why is it that no matter how upset I am… I see him and I can’t help but smile? Why is it that when he smiles at me… I get that feeling in my stomach? And even when he’d broken my heart, and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me… when he lied to me… and I hated him… why then did I still feel those same feelings?  Answer me that, and then I’ll tell you why I let him hurt me so much.

stories love tell

“It’s like in the great stories – the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something … that there’s some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.”

Sam Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers

he can…

He surprises me. And I take so much comfort in that surprise.

Just when I thought I can disregard the situation and think about moving on, he never fails to come out of the blue and defend himself to me and how I matter to him. Then in that certain light, I know. If anyone can make me fall in love, it is only him who can.

And I wouldn’t walk away from this feeling.

unexpecting faith

She’s not like that now. She knows better . She knows now that people lie , and promises can be broken as quick as they are made . She understands that she might never be loved , and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them . She knows that you can’t change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn’t a place for everyone in the world, so if you’re standing alone for awhile, that’s why. Not everything in life comes easy , but when you work the hardest, that’s when it’s the best . You can’t always expect people to care, and even when your best friends stab you in the front, don’t think for one minute that they didn’t already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out to soon, that in the end, you are your own best friend . Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not , its gonna hurt like hell . But you can’t stop it. You can’t change your fate. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge . You don’t know what it is and when it happens, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words ‘Life’ and ‘Risk’ won’t mean anything to you anymore. But don’t try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on you . And that happens because that’s the way it supposed to be . But you’ll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. But it might catch you off guard and happen sooner .