FIVE SMART-ASS WINNING ANSWERS

Note: This isn’t mine. It’s just me sharing a good laugh at these wisecrack answers I read on someone else’s blog (damn it, I forgot it! shoot). Anyway, enjoy!

The 5 winning smart ass answers of all time:

* Smart Ass Answer #5: *
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. *
Without missing a beat….she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.”

* Smart Ass Answer #4: *
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” *
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

* Smar t Ass Answer #3: *
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. *
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could” *
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

* Smart Ass Answer #2: *
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” *
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.” *

* AND THE #1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF ALL TIME……… *

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” *
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” *
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”*
I would like to add my own nominee!

My Uncle Ray, working at Home Depot was approached by a rather confused looking woman. He asked if he could help her. She asked “Do you have little wooden balls?” To which Ray replied, “Who do I look like? Pinnochio?” His career at Home Depot ended that day!*

Advertisements

conephewshus

Letting go is what you do when you can’t hold on anymore. As if your hands are trying to grasp a grease-covered rope, a smooth-furred cat, or a friendship long past, slowly fading into the mist like a dream upon awaking. Letting go isn’t something you always want to do, and sometimes you grasp and flail and try to find some piece of what was there, but it’s gone. You try to figure out how it slipped away, and why you didn’t handcuff yourselves together when you could see clearly that you were standing side by side. Other times you don’t try to hold on. Other times, you see the thing you love walk away, down a long path, waving, or just going slowly, hands in pockets, down a trail that eventually ends in mist. Usually, when you watch them go, you realize what’s happening a little too late and you try to chase after them, to call into the mist and search and search, but you come out on the other side and find yourself alone. Maybe you have a number that you’ll never call, or an address you’ll never write to, because you let it slip away. Sometimes, you think about it, and you realize that maybe you could hold on, maybe you could struggle to find a foothold or a place where the rope comes unwound, and you could keep this thing if you both really tried. But you don’t, because it would be so painful, and because deep down you believe that one day you’ll be left alone, and all your pain and hardship will be for nothing. It’s usually worth it, but you usually let it go because you don’t realize how much it’s worth until it’s so far away that you can never catch up and tell him that you wish you had clasped hands and never said goodbye. And then maybe, every once in a while, for the rest of your life, you think about him, and you realize, that was good, that was real, that was worth saving, and aren’t I an idiot. And all you wish at that moment is that you could say you’re sorry and make it all better. But you won’t, because now the rope has torn, and trying to pull back on it will only rip it entirely in two. So you don’t, and you put away the pictures, the letters, and the memories, for another rainy day and hope that it doesn’t happen again. It will; but you’ll try.

Straitjacket Feeling (All American Rejects)

Artist: The All-American Rejects
Album: Move Along
Year: 2005
Title: Straitjacket Feeling

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it’s stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you’re the problem and you can’t feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won’t be alone
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you’d be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don’t make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can’t win
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you’d be
That face is tearing holes in me
but today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I’m holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There’ll be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was hell
But today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all I ever thought you’d be
That face is tearing holes in me
but today I’m fine without you
Run away this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I’m holding on by letting go of you

notice to the public

sand_hands_by_libbie_tee

The problem with romantic relationships, no matter how committed  or how pretty the partner is or how good looking the couple make, is that the attraction eventually fades.

Sad but true.

Love becomes a confusing, even vague , concept (am i still? or i fell out of it?). It’s a three-way tug of war between holding on, letting go, and giving up. Eventually, what will matter most is if the decision you’ll make will all be worth it in the end.

In the end, keeping your relationship is a conscious decision to know what is most important. You create your own definition of happiness. Nobody will ever account for it but yourself. But remember this: not everything is meant to be but everything is worth try.

I should know because I have been in several situations where I decided for my own happiness.

Here’s a nice anecdote to put this is in perspective.  Whoever the author is, I’m sorry for taking the liberty to publish it.

The sand taught me one thing:

“You can’t hold too many things, no matter what you do to make them stay. So learn to let go and choose carefully which you want to stay, because like the sand, only those which are in the center of your palm will last.”

Hmmm….

5 January 2009

work_series_7_by_mutsy

After all the holiday festivities and the more-than-a-week vacation,  it turned out (surprisingly!) that I was raring to go to work and have my game face on.

Alright, the htypocrisy is a little bit there but surprisingly, in some days, I wished I was at the office doing work in spite of the occasional dum-dum-dee-ran-what-did-i-do-wrong-this-time  dreadful call from my American boss. (Anyway, let me point out that my American boss is THE BEST! *wink*). Really, who wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to earn more dough? I know I wouldn’t mind at least one bit, that is I’m speaking only for myself. It will surely at least make a few stitches in my pocket since I spent my 13th month pay, bonus, and christmas salary in only less than two weeks – all of these allocated to make everyone I know happy and let them know I am grateful for having them. But honestly, that’s too much for my savings to bear until I realized I had none. Harharhar!

Now the optimism that comes on having a job suddently went down the drain when the eventual day came. The weather was cold, the water was cold, everything cold, making me want to hibernate ,  wishing for a few more days of vacation. It took a lot of prepping up to get my christmas weight aftermath to get me to go to the office and log in. It was the first working day of the year and I was starting it on a lazy note. So much for new year’s resolution number one.Phew!

If you’re wondering how I’d ended  up on the 5th of January, I went to work anyway. I was that responsible. But let tell you, it wasn’t that easy to fight with one’s self especially when you have siblings who think that you’ve gone insane…