• I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
  • In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
  • I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
  • Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
  • I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous assholes around me.
  • The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
  • As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
  • All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
  • I am at one with my duality.
  • Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than these: “I told you so!”
  • False hope is better than no hope at all.
  • A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
  • The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
  • I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
  • Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
  • To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.
  • Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

For more highly non-stressable stuff, just check out Patti’s Homepage



I spent my idle hours at work scouring the web for some sales tips and oh well, something to relieve me from stress. Here’s a gem to get you buy. Enjoy!

  • You – Off my planet
  • Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  • I did not say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
  • I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
  • Allow me to introduce my selves.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • I’m just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
  • I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren’t asleep
  • I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.
  • How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
  • I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
  • You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
  • Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Chaos, panic, and disorder-my work here is done.
  • Earth is full. Go home.
  • Is it time for your medication or mine?
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • Well, aren’t we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
  • Do I look like a fucking people-person?
  • If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat. .
  • Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
  • Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
  • Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  • You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
  • You look like shit. Is that the style now?
  • Oh, did I step on your poor little-bitty ego?
  • If I spread you with Preparation H would you shrink down and become less irritating?

Thanks to Patti’s Homepage