perceptive

I watch people sometimes, wonder how they can walk around with the weight of what they know. Wonder if they feel like me, stumbling with lead shoes on the bottom of the ocean, swimming in a sea of the unsay-able. It’s a mistake we make, thinking it’s words that tell us everything. It’s the sound that breaks glasses, cracks windows, sends cats up trees. Maybe we’re just not getting it, standing here listening for sensible speech, dying of loneliness and waiting for whatever it is. How do we know we’re not calling and calling all the time, our throats so tight with it, that it’s too high to hear?

Advertisements

life story

Counting each passing moment
Only worsen the absence
Anticipating the need to love
Only free the essence of wanting
Measuring the amount being taken and given
Only leads to disastrous outcome
Is it not easier to want what you have
In exchange of desiring impossibility?
In such subtlety, could-have-been-not becomes
Just a mere fragment of the subconscious
Is it not better to label no standards
Of beauty and madness and success
Enabling the rebirth of you
Is it not fairer to realize that you alone
Tell the story of your fate,
your triumphant fate.

let it go | cavo

… on repeat… 🙂

Wait it out till the light
Take a breathe, say good night
But don’t ever go away

Wait around to find the time
Only you can take what’s mine
But don’t ever go away

I’ll be waiting….I need to let it go

Fade it out into the light
All these years we never get it right
I need to let it go

No more reasons to defy
That I believed that you were mine
I need to let it go

A chance to change or stay the same
One night with out the blame
That don’t ever go away

Only you can make it right
To walk away with out no fight
But don’t ever go away

I’ll be waiting…I need to let it go

Fade it out into the light
All these years we never get it right
I need to let it go

No more reasons to defy
That I believed that you were mine
I need to let it go

I wish you’d let me go

beginning to fade

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Kate Winslet, The Holiday