books | Ray Bradbury

I still love books. Nothing a computer can do can compare to a book. You can’t really put a book on the Internet. Three companies have offered to put books by me on the Net, and I said, ‘If you can make something that has a nice jacket, nice paper with that nice smell, then we’ll talk.’ All the computer can give you is a manuscript. People don’t want to read manuscripts. They want to read books. Books smell good. They look good. You can press it to your bosom. You can carry it in your pocket.

Ray Bradbury

unhappy til he..

and then someone said the most beautiful thing…

…I’m going to hold your hand, warm the coldness that you feel til it goes away.

I’m going to be right beside you, keep you in place, keep you company until that restlessness you feel will be replaced by calmness.

I’m going to be there even when you ask me to leave you alone. I’m going to stand in the shadows and will walk away only if I feel that you’re really okay.

I’m going to be there, always, even when you’re still thinking of him.

i need to breathe

Stop saying that you love me, that there’s a big a part of you that does not want to let go of me  –  reeling me in when I have decided that I’m moving on.  How could you say those things when every thing that pops up says otherwise?  Then you provide this void that’s hurtful to bear; that I’m too anxious to hear the answers to. Those are not the words I need right now.

I miss loving you with that amazing completeness I shared with you.

I can’t love you with these broken pieces.

I.NEED.TO.BREATHE.

and you love them.. and they love you

You love them. Not entirely because you have a reason to need to but because they are perfectly the person you want to give that love to. Not because they have been good, or you have this attraction to bad boys, or anything really. You just love them. No reason. No conditions.

And by no conditions and accounted reasons, you know you will not be together forever. It doesn’t mean it will keep you from hurting each other. You’re there and you ask for nothing in return because you stand on your love. You love them for reasons you do not know and for reasons you’re only too happy not to care. Just because you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes of who they are. And you know they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.

And that’s solely paid on your tab. You are responsible for it.

a thousand words

Don’t you wanna be with me?

…Of course I want to be with you. Why did you think I stayed as long as I did?

I don’t know. Why did you stay?

…Because I love you.

To forget somebody isn’t possible. Deep inside, you remember everything. You may not think of them for years at a time, but you don’t know how to forget. You can recall the way they smiled when they were happy, and the way their face showed no expression when they couldn’t find their way.

video by: Adam Ardans,Tiffany Lo, Travis Munn, Eric Night Pipe, Darrin O’Hara & Joselito Seringt

a beautiful sunset

No one asked to end it as it did. I wish I could say it’s a pretty ending but that means lying to myself which goes into saying I’m hurting myself even more.

He says my posted acknowledgment of the people who care about me hurts him.  He doesn’t get the fact that even these people know that their efforts will seem insignificant with just his i-love-you.

He says he is tired seeing me heartbroken. He doesn’t know I’m getting tired of it myself. Repeating a routine I wish I shouldn’t have started. I can not even teach myself to be un-broken, to un-love.

He isn’t my first heartbreak. But he is the first relationship I have allowed myself to be lost, to give it all in, to take in as much as I can, give more than I could.

He can be one of the few men who came and went. I watched them go and I moved on. But he’s made sure he is too hard to move away from. I took a few steps away myself but sometimes, I turn my head a little and see him stop and do the same thing as I was. He crosses a few distance and I knew I would always take him back even with the knowledge that it wouldn’t turn out right.

He was the one chance I risked having all my chips down. He was beautiful. He was worth fighting for. Even with myself.  And in that battle, I died. This was what he last asked of me. And even to that, I surrendered.

I never asked for it to be over. But then again, I never asked for it to begin. That’s the way it is with life; some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance, but even the most beautiful days have their sunsets.

stop seeking perfection

You are not worth your looks.  You are priceless.  You are seeking perfection in the most inappropriate places. They are nothing. They’ll open more empty spaces.

You are not your thoughts. You can be more than what people want you to look. They only guarantee ignorance – shallow, mediocre and useless.

You are you. Stop going after what other people want you to want. Your life is not theirs, not his. It’s yours. Even if its going to hurt a lot of people, even if you can’t figure out an easier way to do things, achieve things for yourself. You reward yourself.

You are deserving. You are worth the time.

Stop seeking perfection. I love you. I’ll always love you. Because you’re you. Not a photoshopped image of you. Just you. It’s more than enough.

i promise ill be better

a conversation last night:

I’m fine

no you’re not. Stop saying you’re fine. I know you’re lying. And you were never good at that.

really.

exactly. Liar.

I’m better.

All the more reason I don’t want to believe you.

Promise.

Look I’m not asking you to let me stay. Because I’m staying whether you like it or not. Stop pushing me away. I am staying. I’m not going anywhere.

I’m not.

You’re not you anymore. I hate you.

People change, I guess.

Defensive.

It’s true.

Stubborn idiot.

Look who’s talking.

Did i mention i hate him.

yep. i stopped counting after 10. haha .i’m okay. stop worrying.

I need you back. You’re lousy at lying. You’re lousy at pretending. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You smile like nothing’s happening to you but your eyes give away that sadness. I hate looking at you like that. I hate hearing you. Stop being broken.

I am responsible for my own loneliness.

What happened to the girl I knew before? You’re made of stronger stuff.

Ouch.

just be okay. i need you back. even if it means having to grab you by hair and yanking you out of that damn hole.

Ouch. Two times. I promise I’ll be better.

shut up.

I promise I’ll be better.

I miss you.

I miss you too

Why does it feel like he took you away from me and I can’t get you back?

It’s nothing. It’s just a temporary glitch. It’ll pass. Promise.

:’c

reflections on a skyline | michael talman & richard jakes (directors)

…but I’ll tell you the worst me and try and give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less…

And I wanna play hide and seek, give you my clothes, tell you I love your shoes, sit on the steps when you take a bath, and massage your neck, and kiss your face, and hold your hand and go for a walk.

Not mind when you eat my food, and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day. Talk about your day and laugh at your paranoia. Give you tapes you don’t listen to, watch great films… watch terrible films.

And tell you about the TV program I saw the night before, and not laugh at your jokes. Want you in the morning, but let you sleep for awhile. Tell you how much I love your eyes, your lips, your neck.

Sit on the steps smoking ’til your neighbors come home. Sit on the steps smoking ’til you come home. And worry when you’re late, and be amazed when you’re early.

I’d give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance. Be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me. Look at your photo’s and wish I’d known you forever. Hear your voice in my ear, feel your skin on my skin. And get scared when you’re angry.

I tell you you’re gorgeous. And hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you’re hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you, and whimper when I’m not. Smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t. Melt when you smile, dissolve when you laugh. But not understand how you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you. And wonder who you are.

But I accept you anyway. And tell you about the tree angel and enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you. I’d buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it but I always have from the first time I asked you.

I wander the city thinking, but I’m empty without you, but I want what you want and think I’m losing myself.

But I’ll tell you the worst me and try and give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less. Answer your questions when I’d rather not. And tell you the truth when I really don’t want to. And try to be honest because I knew you prefer it. And think it’s all over but hang on for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life, forget who I am. And let me try and get closer you.

… And somehow communicate some of the over-whelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love I have for you.