3.16

i am who i am. i said what i felt. even if it was irrational. even if it was overzealously articulated out of sheer frustration. i am me.

i will not apologize for feeling what i felt (or will ever start to) or how i choose to feel it. i am not fueled by reasons. i am a machine of my emotions – its acceleration depends how happy or how angry i’ll get.

Advertisements

anybody’s heart | katharine mcphee

I was yours, I was yours
And the heart that you broke
Was devoted and pure
And it wasn’t just anybody’s heart

It’s a great big world to a scared little girl
If you smile just right, no one knows
You might have a heart full of pain and a soul that can’t reign
And a stomach full of butterflies

All that I wanted was just to feel safe
Safe in your arms

Say you didn’t mean to
Say I wouldn’t understand
But it’s time you say something
God knows it’s the one thing I need
And the heart you broke
Know it wasn’t just anybody’s heart

So I bit my nails and I held my breath
And I said I’m fine, yeah, I did my best
But you can’t tell me you never knew the truth
Of all the fear I felt, how I worried about you

And all that I wanted was just to feel safe
Safe in your arms

Say you didn’t mean to
Say I wouldn’t understand
But it’s time you say something
God knows it’s the one thing I need
And the heart you broke
Know it wasn’t just anybody’s heart

I was yours, I was yours
And the heart that you broke
Was devoted and pure
And it wasn’t just anybody’s heart

today

i had you. i had us.
i held, tightly as i could
because you asked,
even when everyone have asked me not to.
even when i told myself not to.
i would’ve held, just as tightly as I could,
but you should give me more reason to
other than you so say.
i may be the girl who does not give up easily
but that doesn’t change that I hurt as easily
as well
– even if it’s the most trivial thing.
i am selfish.
you and me.
no one else.
i want no one else.

burnt out.maximized

It’s gone. That drive to go to work. That single spark to jumpstart each day. Poof.

Tsk. Tsk. Just when I’ve emotionally invested so much to keep this job, to be at this job, it no longer inspires. I feel like a machine programmed to do the same routine; a deja vu overload: babysitting grown-up people, filling paperless reports, changing hands but clinging stagnantly.

My brain cells are swimming in murky, uneventful, unfulfilled-infested waters. I am in need of some cerebral adrenaline rush. That surge of wind that blows me away – thoughts that provoke me to be on my tops even if I’m already perched on a stable ground. Even if it will not pay me well monetarily. Even if it’s not a crowd pleaser. I need that brillance when idealism ate a big chunk of me. Find that soul to shout out ‘carpe diem!”

I am in search of an oasis.