I think I still have that capacity in me – to love even when it seems it’s impossible – in spite of my having experienced a lot of disappointments and hurt this year, I still am the little girl who believes in fairy dusts and rainbows. How could I not be? If it’s possible for one person to hurt another, then, there’s always the equal possibility that he can be healed by another. That’s just how life is. And I’m sticking by it.
Just today, he sent me a message.
Melted. He sees through me.Through the pretentious smile that he knows too well. Through the seeming calmness I share with other people. Through the prepared script I give when people ask me how well I’m doing.
He sees me. Then he saves me. The best he could. The best he know he could. Even if I’m in denial of a rescue.
He scares me sometimes. Because I know I could not return how he feels towards me. Til this day, he makes me feel like he’ll always be there. Always seem to be a feeble concept. Yet he has been in spite of a hopeless perseverance to make me be his. If only it was easy. If only we could choose to who to love.
He said: “I can’t promise to fix all your problems, but I promise you won’t have to face them alone.” Even if these were mere words sent, they are reassuring. And this is simply making me melt.
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could. ”
~ Louise Erdrich
Soon after her brother was born, little Sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. But she showed no signs of jealousy. She treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it.
Elated, she went into the baby’s room and shut the door, but it opened a crack-enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little Sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, “Baby, tell me what God feels like. I’m starting to forget.”
– from “Chicken Soup for the Soul“
I used to believe in love as this ultimate, saving thing, as something as strong as religion. But what happens when one loses faith?
One begins to realize that it is not love but rather one person. It may not be who you expect or even who you want it to be but they’ll save you. If but only from yourself, they’ll save you.
Risk is just part of relationships. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t.
— Lock and Key
It’s hard to accept, but you can’t change the past. You can’t go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life would be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that’s a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days – but as long as you let the past go, you’ll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.
Just to hold you, I ache for it, just to out my lips to the valley of your neck and slide down your body. I don’t like being apart from you, not hearing your voice, not having you close.
He’s the type of guy that could look you in your eyes when you’re knee deep in tissues and your face looks like its been badly beaten, and with all honesty tell you that you’re nothing less than beautiful.