that friend.

The worst thing in life is to lose a friend. A friend that means the world to you, a friend that you put all your trust and faith in, a friend that you believed in from the start, a friend that took the center of your heart, a friend that you’d die for, a friend that you wanted to cherish for a lifetime, a friend, a good friend, a best friend.

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wonderfully loved.

I was having a really frustrating day today (since every little thing pops up even when I don’t ask them to), and conversations even when they come from the most unlikely person soothe me, calm me. more so, because they come at a right time when i am in need of reassurances.

He just did that today. I pushed him away so many times yet he manages to be there when I need to forget this doubtful feeling that things will change.

He comically sang along to these songs right at the moment when all I wanted was to scream, burst into tears. Here is my happy ending for today. This, I owe to him today.

…if i never get to heaven then at least i will have known
i had an angel here on earth that i could call my very own
and if the world should end tomorrow
girl this much i know is true
i have found my piece of heaven the day that i found you…

…oh, when your cold
I’ll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby and you can’t get in
I will show you, your so much better than you know
When your lost, when your alone and you can’t get back again
I will find you darling I’ll bring you home…

open.

There is no reason to stay anymore. Not when you’re starting to pretend that there is something to hold on to for much longer. Maybe it’s  an unconscious effort that I was teaching myself to let go, and learn to open up to someone who has shown all efforts that he can care more than I can care about myself. I have to forgive myself wanting to be in a relationship that existed because I thought I was needed in as much as the context of the word care and love borders. But I was needed for a different reason.

I am as much in awe as people are on why I ever did fall for him. Looking back, everyday I wished that things will be different. But life has a way of hitting me on the head, letting me wake up to things that hurt me. The biggest person I had to battle was myself. And I hated it.

In spite of the endless versus-introspection, I am going to start being selfish by loving myself even more. And I’m learning this through people who do care about me as much as I care about them. I love love people who can make me smile and laugh. I’m opening up.

circling

Sometimes it is in the friendship we nurture with other people that we learn how to value ourselves. It gives a much deeper meaning to the concept of love. It’s a good, honest assessment on how much we’ll turn out for the better rather than keep falling apart for someone. It makes you forget why you’re hurting too much. It’s a soothing balm when you’re at your most heartbreaking episode.

I am in love with my friends. And I take comfort in the fact that even if I’m at my foolest love-spelled state, they manage to still be there and catch me no matter how high I fell.

unhappy til he..

and then someone said the most beautiful thing…

…I’m going to hold your hand, warm the coldness that you feel til it goes away.

I’m going to be right beside you, keep you in place, keep you company until that restlessness you feel will be replaced by calmness.

I’m going to be there even when you ask me to leave you alone. I’m going to stand in the shadows and will walk away only if I feel that you’re really okay.

I’m going to be there, always, even when you’re still thinking of him.