dear son,

i probably don’t deserve the life you have graciously given up for me.  or i’ve chosen to selfishly take back. i’m forever wounded, you must know that. i walk around feeling completely unable to steer clear of the past everyone has asked me never to look back at. how could i not? it was a minute greed that overpowered everything else; it never opted to leave a piece of me or you.

sometimes, when i think i’ve moved on, i feel like i’m repeating the betrayal. i took what should’ve been yours. you were probably the mistake that i was willing to live with but was too afraid to keep. and i can’t, for the life of me, be someone else without you.

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Aside

hello wordpress. it’s been too long since i last poured out my feelings to you.

i’ve missed you. 

You flew off with the wings of my heart and left me flightless

the ache for getting you back still lives. i mourn each day. i cry each day. even if i’m not supposed to at this point in time. you have left a remarkable emptiness in my heart and i don’t know how i am going to fill it up with the life i once had.

i now know that you were the life i was looking forward to. yet i still managed to turn my back on. i need you now. badly. i want what happiness feels like with even the mere sight of you.

and i still hold on to memories that will never happen.