sober

i’m drunk. can you come and get me?..

It took several bottles of liquor to give in. To even ask that of him.  A few more and it was an absolute surrender. I even surprised myself on how much audacity it took to send that first message, to even admit he still is a much part of me.

And the replies somehow kissed more the sadness that I was already feeling. It was some sort of vindication that urge to drink more than I can handle. A rebellious effort to release him from my thoughts; to at least pretend that I am able to forget him.

Although I anticipated the answers, it didn’t make the pain hurt any less. It’s just sometimes, no matter how often we deny it or how often we accept it, we expect more from others because we’d be willing to do that much for them.

It wasn’t about how I was getting home, it was entirely about who I wanted to take me home. Drunk that I was. Just to see if he cared enough. Because I still cared enough even when others cared enough about me. He was the one that mattered.

yours..

I cant figure out whats worse, having to know every single detail of your desperate love for some other woman, or having to know that you obviously didn’t even come close to feeling the same way about me.

Kate Hudson, Alex & Emma


….It’s not up to me anymore. If you want me in your life, you’ll find a way to put me there.

I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight, for so long, is because we fear something so great will never happen again.

I left you because you couldn’t give me what I wanted.. and funnily enough, it turns out you are also the only one who could…


someone…

I want someone who wants to understand me. I am tired of feeling like always having to understand everyone else, now I want someone who wants to know me. Someone who has scars and bruises and is tired as well, but still laughs at life and the sun and at the silly things. Someone whose hands, no matter how soft or rough, wants to touch slowly and softly. Someone who wants to hear me, who doesn’t want too much for me. Someone who will feel the things I cannot put into words or writing. Someone who wants to see me no matter how fucked up I am. Someone who wants me to listen to them too, to see in their hearts and lay in the sun with the grass blowing around us. Someone who can still dream.

We are all broken, but so few really laugh with joy anymore.

I want that back. I want someone like that.

Am I asking for someone perfect? I don’t think so. I would be fine if he was broken beyond repair too. All I ask is to be loved and understood.

I understand now.

safe..

You don’t get to choose, you just fall for someone. And you get this person who’s all right and wrong at the same time. Sometimes you love them so much, and other times they drive you completely insane, and no one can explain it. But the reason it’s so confusing is it’s love, and if love didn’t have challenges, what would be the point? No one said falling in love was going to be easy. There will be tears, laughter, anger, but it’s when you want to be together despite it all, that you know it’s true love.

It’s the second before you see me seriously giving up and you grab my face with both your hands, look at me, shake your head “no”, and let your right hand slide back to grab my hair and you kiss me.

It saves us.

all i want is you

I look at you. Everyday I see you again and I think that maybe you aren’t as great as I made you out to be. But then you speak or laugh or breathe and I realize that yes, you are.

If you read this, if you knew I wrote this about you you’d get scared. You wouldn’t be able to look at me straight. I know that. I know what it is like to be loved by someone you do not love.

I want you. I want some part of you. Any part. Every part. Those parts which you let everyone have, the parts which you share in conversation. I want those special parts, those parts you keep hidden from everyone.

I don’t care. Let’s run away to where the shooting stars fall and meet them when they land. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me. I wanna burn with you like coal smoke sunsets over fields of eels. I’m just so tired of waking up all alone.

come back to me

If you’re angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug – which is all the more reason to do so. It’s hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that’s precisely what happens when we hug each other.

— Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course

Sometimes you have to test someone. Not cause you don’t trust them, but to see how much they’ll sacrifice for you. And sometimes you have to let them go; not cause you suddenly stopped loving them, but to see if they love you enough to come back.

ok?

“I’ve been in love before, and I found that love was more than just holding hands.”

I feel happier with him than I have with anyone else. He makes me feel secure—like no matter what happens, things will be okay as long as I am in his arms. I’ve been in relationships where I have felt obligated to stay with the person. With him, I don’t feel obligated. I just want to be with him, and it’s enough.

He makes me want to do anything I can to make him happier. And when I’m not with him, I kind of like the fact that I have someone who I really miss.

the picture they make

“IT’S JUST A STUPID OLD PICTURE…”

Loud. Stupid. Underscored. Stupid, old. Resonated. Stupid old picture.

I just wish I wasn’t as affected as I am enough to care. But I do – stupidly enough for both of us. And he doesn’t know the full extent of it. He makes it feel rather pointless and uncounted for. Shit. Double underscore stupid, capitalize.

I am not as numb as I declare to be. When it comes to certain things such as this little discovery, emotions are uncontrollable, uncontainable. They just hurt. And I’m tired of feeling hurt and him making it worse than it already is.

And he thinks I am being unfair about our agreement.

If this is his way of being fair, the deal just got back on.

He knows exactly why I am doing this. He provoked me.

made love

Holliesquotes:

Isn’t it funny how you can think you’re completely over someone but if you drive past his house, stumble upon a meaningful song you both shared, or even get a glance of him on the street….just in an instant, it can change all that. And you start to remember the pain. And that hollow space is feeling more and more like the Grand Canyon with every second that goes by. But you bury these feelings deep down, so deep that you’re sure no one will be able to tell. To the outside world, you smile and act like nothing is wrong or will ever be. Everything’s just perfect. For that split second that you’ve locked eyes, a tiny whisper, say ‘make this last forever, only and just this moment forever and ever’. But after a second or so, you go along your own merry way, all the while home realizing how much you do miss him, how much you still love him…and it sticks with you for days, weeks, maybe months, until fate decides to hand you another one of those unexpected moments. And then you finally understand the worst feeling in the world is when the person you love most is standing right next to you, yet you can never have them. Try as you may, you can’t make someone love you