be tough.

break ups are lame. like baking a whole batch of fish sticks and realizing the tartar sauce you bought tastes like pap smear. lame.

little lady, the world revolves, and it will again, at the end of the horizon, it will begin. the difference between letting go and holding on, is where you stand when he’s long gone. time will only tinge your smile with regret, and there will always be memory’s silhouette to remind you of what could’ve been, maybe. if only you didn’t let your heart stray free. it hurts, i know, there’s no way around that, casualties are inherent in any sort of combat. but you’re a tough one, good times will come, just wait. sometimes, being tough doesn’t mean that you’re great, sometimes being tough is just being okay.

huhumm.. :-/

Here you are

– hurting, waiting, wanting for something to change. You ask yourself about a hundred times, is it something you said? Maybe. And then you ask yourself a thousand more times, is it something you did? Possibly.

But in the end – yes. It’s always your fault, never ever his.

‘Cause you are settling with this mentality – it’s not you, it’s me. And you are willing to swallow your pride, than hurt his ego. And you choose not to break your silence, even though you know you are free to call him out on the bullshit he’s blatantly putting you through. But yet, you can’t find the courage in your heart and the wisdom in every fiber of your mind to simply – walk away. Why?

Here you are – this question must have crossed your mind more than a million times. ‘Cause for the seventh or eighth or maybe even the ninth time, you toss and turn in the middle of the dark night, in a dark silent room, listening to the rhythm of your own breath. You inhale, then exhale. You feel your heartbeat pulsating – in your wrist & on the tip of your fingers. Then the question once again arises in your mind that longs to rest. Why? Why can’t I let go?

Oftentimes we hold on to things that make us the happiest, give us the most bliss, things that makes our heart feel at ease. In contrary, the other times we hold on to things that does not always reciprocate us with something good. Gives us nothing but false hope and a cycle of reoccurring bullshit.

But even though that may be the standpoint, we continue believing one day, some day, somehow our patience, our willingness to endure and our days of hurting, of waiting, of wanting, we wake up to an end for all of those & a beginning of something better, something more.

And when that day comes, walking away and letting go would not once again cross our minds.

the good eye.

I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.

Elizabeth Gilbert,  Eat, Pray, Love

beginning to fade

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Kate Winslet, The Holiday


Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could. ”

~ Louise Erdrich

making sense of the unknown

It’s in the unknown that you thrive to dream. Build something out of nothing.  Adding little pieces that will make up the story or a society. Structures slowly gaining foundation. Though it’ll seem like a pulchritude, nevertheless, you bask in your power to control.

But you are not meant to have everything at the snap of your fingers. Beauty will always challenge you to take risk.  Paltering you for that power to control.  Eager to strip you from everything. An uneven trade for something you wanted to make real.

Regardless of the circumstances, never lose that power. You give your body. Your soul. Your heart. It’s vital to not lose sight of that power. In spite of being in the battlefield, you need to load a lot of ammunition with you. You fight for that power. Hold that tightly.

After all, you are the prime mover. Builder. Architect of that unknown that has been revealed for the world to be jealous on.