21.08.13: Short break at the water © Wang Wang 22
The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.
~ reposted from Melissa Polinar’s page
© Willy Inselmann
people inspire you, or they drain you – pick them wisely.
i am more settled now. of missing you even if we’ve just seen each other a few seconds. of wanting to hug you more even when i’ve just held you. of leaving you kisses even when when we’ve had hundreds. of loving you even more than what i am capable of.
you make every second that passes by worthwhile. tomorrows do not seem so dreary anymore because you make me look forward to being loved more. you make me secure in such sense that i do not need to worry about who i was or what i’ve done in my past. you make me a whole person because you’ve accepted my imperfections and made them seem so irrelevant. you’re more than who i asked for.
you lead me back to a place where my heart is secure knowing that you’re the person i can love endlessly. and vice versa…
if you loved someone, really loved them, would you let them go?
that’s the thing about pasts. they’re done. complete. ended. dried up by constant neglect. by constant trying. by constant believing that the relationship can be better.
you get tired eventually. this fighting. the trying to work out part. that sporadic distrust. the frequent making up. you get tired. both losing. both trying to figure out why. while both are fully aware of the little bits and pieces that created the outcome. there’s that. and the conflict of whether some thing is worth salvaging for – even the most minute of memories – or you’re both be better as separates.
in the end, you can only wish happiness for one another. and that’s the best resolution you can hold on to. no matter the outcome.
when i tell you i love you, i mean that with every part of my heart, because my heart belongs to you. now. it’s not much but it’s everything i have.
break ups are lame. like baking a whole batch of fish sticks and realizing the tartar sauce you bought tastes like pap smear. lame.
little lady, the world revolves, and it will again, at the end of the horizon, it will begin. the difference between letting go and holding on, is where you stand when he’s long gone. time will only tinge your smile with regret, and there will always be memory’s silhouette to remind you of what could’ve been, maybe. if only you didn’t let your heart stray free. it hurts, i know, there’s no way around that, casualties are inherent in any sort of combat. but you’re a tough one, good times will come, just wait. sometimes, being tough doesn’t mean that you’re great, sometimes being tough is just being okay.
“Here. This is for you, just because”
Completely flustered and flushed in a pink tone of joy, due to the genuine act of kindness and love, you manage to mutter a short “awe, you shouldn’t have” through your trembling lips. These flowers now carry a whole new level of significance simply for the fact that it was from your lover. And so you nourish this token of love with the utmost fragility. You never forget to fill the vase with water and it has now become a beautiful center piece that ties your entire bedroom together like the final bow on any gift, completing the masterpiece.
Yet you find yourself spending most of your efforts struggling to keep these flowers alive because you couldn’t bare the thought of letting this token of love perish. What would it mean? That you failed what appears to be the easiest thing to handle? The idea pains you and you continue to fumble through the seconds that pass because you start to realize that it is inevitable. Everything dies.
Then you become the sole witness to such a beautiful death.
And this is the sad truth to all that lives.
a relationship fails from the lies and the deceit and the betrayal and the hurt and the pain. there are no excuses, reasons, ways around it. both parties forget to recognize the effort, the trials, the fighting for one another. you forget that s/he has put up with all of your faults, your anger, your imperfections, your wishes, your ugly-parts-that-nobody-would-ever-accept. i never wanted to give up— in terms of on you. i never wanted to give up on you because i knew you in ways that you didn’t think i did. i knew your past, your secrets, your fears. you knew all of mine. we opened each other up and scrutinized and examined and took what we wanted and ran away with what only we needed. what you loved more than me hurt me constantly and instead of trying to make you change, i tried to adapt to them and in the process, lost myself and my morals, my priorities, my wants and needs. and in turn, i lost my way and didn’t consider how much it would affect you, took you for granted and thought you would always be my road map to finding myself over again and again. the moments of anguish, of frustration— all of the “why can’t you do this for me”s and “please.. at least try”s; i realize the one thing i hated most was the one thing you loved more. and i realized i allowed myself to put your happiness above my own instead of always telling you the truth.. but lying is never ever excused, either. and it sits here, in this room, it takes up so much space and i just watch it day to day wondering if life would have been better. if you would have ever put me above it. if i would have ever gotten better, with you if not, on my own. and i needed the space and time to think realistically.. if love wasn’t in the equation, what else was? if this was worth it.. what wasn’t? if i could allow myself to surrender to this.. when would i ever truly stand on my own two feet..
’ve seen way too much and wore my heart on my sleeve way too often to forget what it’s like to feel so fragile and impermanent. i’ve built cities from the depths of broken hearts only to watch as they burst into scintillating luster but i’m only human and humans try until they bleed or until life robs them of strength. i’m tired and my eyes are weak from the burning desire to see beyond the concrete truths. This is all that it’ll ever be, between you and i, me and the next, just like how it’s been with everyone else. i am that comfort, that change, that temporary escape; a distraction. i’ve accepted that a long time ago so I stopped hoping for things to be different. i’ll help you and i’ll hold your hands but when my time is up, i’ll be on my way again and i’m supposed to believe that it’s okay.
you asked me if i miss you. my reply is this, “i don’t miss you, i miss the guy who used to call me every night, just to see how my day was. who told me his deepest, darkest secrets, the only one i trusted mine with. the guy who knew how to say sorry, the one who stood up for me, and the one who kept my name safe in his mouth. the guy that was my best friend… that’s the guy i miss. how could i miss you? i don’t even know you.”
there is no looking back. there is no looking back. There is no looking back.
i think the best time to say that you already found the right one…
… is when you stop looking for more…