We spent the night wishing on stars and throwing pebbles into the water. It felt as though we were dancing within a sea of little bright lights and ecstasy. It was beautiful and the tide was warm on our feet. Gin (or was it beer?) helped paint laughter onto a canvas of blue and our movements had never been so fluid. We didn’t care what we looked like, though we surely looked like drunken fools. All that mattered were the tiny fragments of time that we grabbed from the air as they passed over our heads. All that mattered were the stars in our eyes.
He could make me do anything sometimes, just by looking at me in a certain way. Pretty much the way he was looking at me then.
I miss counting shooting stars with you.
It was maybe an eon ago, you told me you loved me more than her. Now an eon later, I finally realized those were words of whim. Words that are less of truth, are nonetheless ruthless. Impostors, they took shelter where they do not belong.
Had you not spoken them, I would not have held on for so long. I would have been saved from unfounded faith and untold confusion, and had a more purposeful middle, and a happier conclusion. I would not have experienced heartache to such a terrible degree, but now I’m stuck and enamored still, trying to break free.
So is it worse to not have loved at all, than have loved and lost? love is beautiful, I’ll be the first to say, but at what cost? I did one thing and said another, didn’t look back and asked too much of him.
Maybe when I leave you will miss me then. Will you pray everyday that I’ll come back again? Will you know what you had when I’m gone? I’ve done everything I thought I could, and still nothing turned out the way it should. I thought that I had it all planned, but in the end it slipped. Like falling sand. My heart was never trouble bound, but everything I did turned itself around.
I planned to turn your frowns upside down, and only succeeded in adding another frown. I picked up the brush, and painted a word, I’ll never say it, so this is the only way it’ll be heard.
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.
— Bob Marley
I realize that I’m lacking the discipline and patience I need to continue being the one that’s always there for you. I wanted to give you one thing to hold constant in life. Something you didn’t have to question, that you could rely on when everything else was still up in the air. But it’s hurting me. It breaks my heart to have to admit that I’m just not strong enough to wait. You’ll be fine in time even without me and even if that thought scares you.