maybe i’m still waiting for that one person who wants me enough and is bold enough to just do something about it. maybe i don’t want a patient person, or a quiet passive person, maybe i never did. i want to destroy all the lingering questions floating in the air because it becomes difficult to breathe when inhale nothing beyond unreasonable doubts. i’m naturally a hesitant person, regardless of what i feel or what i want so maybe that’s it. maybe i want someone who will stop trying to respect my fears and take me by surprise.
If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
I realize that I’m lacking the discipline and patience I need to continue being the one that’s always there for you. I wanted to give you one thing to hold constant in life. Something you didn’t have to question, that you could rely on when everything else was still up in the air. But it’s hurting me. It breaks my heart to have to admit that I’m just not strong enough to wait. You’ll be fine in time even without me and even if that thought scares you.